If only I could share.
For I beg you with purple hyacinths growing in place of my teeth
Spilling flower petals I have choked up
From the seams of my lungs
There is nothing but black smoke emitted from my eyes,
Where marigolds grow where my hope once did.
If only I could share
The fear I’ve fostered like my aching bones
The heaviness of the uncharted mind
When I realized I hold no regrets upon time’s end.
I face myself in the mirror
With the fear to look myself in the eyes
I know what lurks in those dark pools of ancient nature
I know that handing myself lovely lavender will bring me nothing
But curiosity and courage to detest the puddles I thought I had escaped.
I inhale sharply, making sense of my falling features
Into the rivers handed to me
Dismantling the notions that this could be said correctly.
I search through the flowing waters, collecting as many notes as I can
As many little Iris petals may fit in my hands
To keep as memories in the home of graying walls
A room that’s numbed out all that has harmed me
A beauty I count to see
When I make my journeys through the hemispheres
I hope that the stepping stones of light blue trail far behind me
As I skip and hop with a smile on my face
Leaving beautiful, dark crimson roses on each one
One for each of the people who cross my mind on this night.
And one for each that’ll cross my mind in the morning when I wake
With nothing but an empty stare glaring at me
From my mirror.
Pitying the way it has to continue to lure me with luscious bouquets
Filled with daisies, yellow roses, yellow carnations, and cistus flowers
Flower Meanings for Reference
¹ Begonia flowers - “beware.”
² Gum Cistus flowers - “I will die tomorrow.”
³ Purple Hyacinth flowers - sorrow.
⁴ Marigold flowers - grief.
⁵ Willow flowers - mourning or sadness.
⁶ Lavender flowers - distrust.
⁷ Butterfly Weed - “let me go.”
⁸ Iris flowers - a message.
⁹ Dark Crimson Rose flowers - mourning.
¹⁰ Daisy flowers - innocence.
¹¹ Yellow Rose flowers - a decrease in love.
¹² Yellow Carnation flowers - disdain or disappointment.